Thursday, April 16, 2015

Love Became Flesh

I sought for years to prepare for your departure, but I found myself thrown into improvisation the night you left. I was playing my part in this symphonic unfolding, and then the sheet music was pulled from in front of me. The music stopped.  I flailed to play my part but grief, suffering and silence became my  new song. I descended into depths of sorrow beneath the depths of sorrow I didn't think were possible to endure.  
What an illusory struggle there is in the soul when a man thinks he loses Love like you.  Yes, illusory because Love can never be lost because Love is all there is. Humanity is swimming in the oceans of of Love, though it seems we are mired in anything but.
It is with grave and solemn caution that I spout certainties after all of the mystery life has thrown at me, but I believe you were a portion of the divine imprinted upon my heart. Love visited me. Love held my hand and Love was my friend and lover.  I now know Love.  Love became flesh and walked in and out of my field.  Love stands in front of all of us and sings to us through the many lives we experience.   Love smiles at me and cries with me.   Love is life and Love comes to us as our life.  Love is all there is.  
I am not ashamed that my world was deconstructed because of your appearance and disappearance.  I know this is a temporary blindness that, even now, the blindfold is being untied.  You really were a crucial stitch that held together the garments of this family for those years.  All of us are changed because of you. We live on, we carry you within and heal a little more each day because of who you are and the hope we have because of Love. 

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

You Were Within

     You were within, but I was without. You were with me,
      but I was not with you. So you called, you shouted, 
      you broke through my deafness, you flared, blazed
      and banished my blindness, you lavished your 
      fragrance, and I gasped.

                                             - Augustine
I gasp in these early spring mornings
When long nights of fear and loneliness surround my soul
I awake into a fiery sunrise
I gasp when the realization of your sovereignty beckons me to rest and to peace. I am beckoned?  Me? Are you sure?  Yes, I know I am in desperate need to remove the stage mask and let the world see who I really am.  Such entertaining of false notions that I am someone other than naked before you. Unadorned. Simple. Childlike.

And, yet, these vaporous notions of persona float on the waves of this sea. We think we are someone other than who you see us as.  I am not citizen, father,worker, taxpayer or this or that.

I am a wave and part of this greater ocean. Does the ocean ever say to any of it's waves "you are not me." And so we are. Because we are soul that has been birthed from Soul.

We are light bent
Notes strummed
Sometimes plucked by the Divine Finger
From only one string, so many harmonies
This glorious symphony
That we are

We are waves in this grand sea of Christ
Hidden in Christ
Christ hidden in God
We are particles of the Particle
bone of Bone
flesh of Flesh
And what we are
You are
And what you are
We are
EveryOne(of us)

In moments of desperation
We weep for the tragedy that is our incarnation
But the shades of our prison cell have been drawn
Yet we're all standing on these precipices of silent delight
Awaiting the shades to be pulled up
Knowing something deeper about ourselves
But unable to articulate this incalculable origin
Knowing we are already
Re-turning to that origin
I can't claim who I am in you
It was you
My path is your path
Our path
Holding my hand through all of this hell
Peering through these eyes
When heaven descends
We are our own garden of glory
Our own universe
And yet we are not the only one that
This all turns around
I've let go of needing to be at the centre
I've died a thousand deaths
To bring me to this surrender
On the margins of a world on fire
I am alone
I am free

I gasp that it took all of this complexity and pain
This searching of the infinite spaces of the outer
To bring me back to this heavenly simplicity within
You were within all along.

My God, you were within.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Being. Nothing.

“Most people spend their entire lives living up to […] mental self-images instead of living in the primal “I” that is already good in God’s eyes. But all I can “pay back” to God or others or myself is *who I really am*. That’s a place of utter simplicity. Perhaps we don’t want to go back to it precisely because it’s so simple. It feels unadorned. There’s no dressing, nothing to congratulate myself for. I can’t prove any worth, much less superiority. There I am naked and poor. After years of false adornment, it will at first feel like nothing.

But being nothing has a glorious tradition. When we are nothing, we are in a fine position to receive everything from God. If we look at all the great religious traditions, we see they use those words. The Franciscan word would be “poverty.” The Carmelite word would be nada, nihil – “nothingness.” The Buddhists speak of emptiness. Jesus preferred to talk in images so he spoke of the desert. The desert is where we are voluntarily understimulated. No feedback. No new data. That’s why he says to go into the closet. That’s where we stop living out of other people’s response to us. We can then say, I am not who you think I am. Nor am I whom you need me to be. I’m not even who I need myself to be. I must be “nothing” in order to be open to all of reality and new reality.”

— Richard Rohr, Everything Belongs: The Gift of Contemplative Prayer

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Robbie Seay Band - Lament

We've seen mothers bury sons
and we're begging you to come, oh

the broken fill our towns
and the hopeless shout aloud, oh

We cannot wait
we cannot wait
oh, we cannot wait

when the poor are thrown aside
the sick are left to die, oh

We need your grace, oh God
your grace, oh God
we need your grace

We cannot wait, oh God
(on) your grace, oh God
we need your grace

You are here, your kingdom come
rescue us from all we've done
help us move and be the love
save us now from all we've done
we've seen mothers bury sons
we are begging you to come
we are begging you to come
oh, God, come

You are here, your kingdom come
rescue us from all we've done
help us move and be the love
save us now from all we've done
we've seen mothers bury sons
we've seen mothers bury sons
we are begging you to come
oh, God, come

We need your grace, oh God
your grace, oh God
we need your grace

and we cannot wait, oh God
your grace, oh God
we need your grace

Awaken Us to Rest

Our pursuit has arrived at this? This reckless chase is over for me.  I have expended energy of a thousand worlds, a thousand lives, and look at us now,  Father.  We are what we are.  This path has taken some of us to the transcendent realization of the end of ourselves. Yes, we died with him on that cross, but what a struggle it has been to realize we are no more.  Will you awaken us to enter in to your rest?

We are divine clay in this machine, but without the Breath what will this become?

How long can I await for the animation from your divine hand? You're standing before the grand easel of humanity. You draw all lines, curves, colors, shades and bring all depth and dimension to the soul's blank canvas.

Will you draw me anew?

Who of us can wait like this?  Who of us can become nothing, detached and sitting as your abandoned field? Who will wait for the seed?

"Let it be to me according to your word."

What is your word, O Father, in these desperate days? Is your word that the earthly will bear the image of the heavenly? You have sown this corrupt, perishable, weak vessel that it might be raised in power. This is your word!

You look through these eyes to see our violence and pain.  Hills and valleys of brokenness strewn across the landscape of our heaven and hell.  Have you not already endured this once for us all? We broke your body with our own hands. Look at our violence again covering the earth, Father!  It is standing at our door to swallow up your sons and daughters!

Who I am to stand here and speak to you like this? But it was you who brought me forth as I am, and I can not keep silent, especially when this season of sin and heartache continues with no apparent end. 

Awaken us to who we are. We are your little lambs, though ravenous beasts stalk about. Awaken us all out of this nightmare of violence to enter into your mysterious rest and peace.

Will the Planter not plant his seed, which inevitably pushes through from darkness into light. Push us through the soil of our illusions and into the heavens and your glorious light.

We are all the virgin soul awaiting Love's visitation.  Will you come into the chamber and find us waiting behind this veil? Pull back this veil once more, our Lover! Yes, we are waiting with all those who don't know you are come. 

Bring us all to our end for that is the new beginning for us all. 

Detach us from everything we've clung to, so that in our detachment we realize our attachment to all things.

Make us lie down.

Awaken us to rest, Our Father

Thursday, March 26, 2015

What If?

What if the work God had for you to do was all about less, and not more?

What if it didn’t matter how much impact we could make on others, and what mattered instead was our own capacity to be impacted?

What if we allowed the things we reject in one another to be what draws us together?

What if the ideal order so many desire is disorder to God and opposed to faith.

What if we were so secure in whom and what we are, and what we have been created to do on this earth, that nothing could shake us from our mission to love one another?

What if God said “Don’t change.”?

What if God gave you the opportunity to change one thing, and only one thing? Would you let Him choose, or would you want to choose what you could change?

What if God gave you the opportunity to influence two people in your life? Would you let Him choose who they were, or would you prefer to choose them yourself?

What if everything you were doing in His name was impeding the work He had for you to do?

What if it were God’s will for you to stay at home and mind your own business?

What if it were God’s will for you to leave everything you have worked for and go away?

What if it were God’s will for you to never know what God’s will was, just so he could see what you would do with your time?

What if it turned out that being right didn't count? What if winning didn't count?

What if the things you fixed about yourself were the things God was planning to use?

What if your perfect life knocked the handle off the door to your heart?

What if God doesn't believe in money?

What if the thing God loved about you most was the thing you hated the most about yourself?

What if God got to decide what was the best of you?

What if you found out God was perfectly happy with your life just the way it is?

Who gets to choose your best, most abundant life - you or God?

- Jo Hilder