Monday, May 23, 2016

When Heaven Visits Hell

When you thought to place me
We were arranged
When you thought to teach me
We were subjected
When you thought to crush me
We bowed down
When you thought to raise me
We ascended
When you thought of holiness
We were obscured
Though it came like rain
There was thunder, lightning and hail
But I was always loved
Heaven insists on love
When heaven visits hell

Friday, May 20, 2016

Great Quote

My human preference for eternal retribution for my enemies has given way to preferring that Jesus save all those He promised to save, and my human preference for running my own life has given way to preferring to relax in God’s will for my life.      

- Zender, Friend of God

Tuesday, April 26, 2016


When I was just a boy
I lay abandoned by the day
Quiet nights hugging me too tight
Tears engraving paths upon my face
Lost without my father
In what was concealed as your gentle embrace

My Father
I did not know him
Yet I was never alone

Extreme transitions haunting
Losses are gains
Endings are beginnings
Now between borders
'Neath infinite skies
From our intimate bed
To a  concrete floor

Yet I dance
In quiet moments of the heart
When tears hibernate
Grief rides away
On an April breeze into nowhere
And I love again
This life you have given me
Though this scene
So difficult to act out

I love all of you
Who know not yet
The role we are all playing
As our Father penned each scene
Animating all of he characters
He is playing

Someday we recline
All finding grace and acquittal
Raising our glasses to drink of the vine
Celebrating your relentless mercy
All of us
In You

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Our Hudson (Just Like All of Us)

My Hudson
Northern ancient vein
River flow
Like earth's blood
Through Adirondack terrain
You captivate my pain

I sit
You flow
Your power, your peace
You mesmerize
I wonder why
Beneath this expanse
Of Empire Stately sky

Energy rippling
Mystery dancing
Unable to fathom
Is this heaven (shamyim)?
This mysterious flow
Rush to where you go
Run where you must run
Pushed by winds northern finger
On banks we linger

Carve your place
In time and space
Like shale locked in
River banks and bed
Spirit flow release
We cannot know
Yet rarely said
Just how all this
Becomes one
In an unimaginable rush
Just like all of us

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Standing Still

"I know it's only months but the hail stones of unknowing still falls hard like a storm upon my heart. "

I saw you yesterday for the first time in months.  My heart sank, my hands shook and I cried. Time stopped within me but I didn't hit the brake.

I love and miss my friend, though there is a trail of hurts tailing me in the rear view mirror.  I just want to say "I'm sorry" but life won't let me.

What has our world become when a bond of peace is a sincere but forbidden repentance?

I'm bound in chains to my thoughts. Words are now forbidden. Resentment and shame for words I have spoken now haunt me.  And yet, this is what God desires as His universe careens past both of us and into the blurry world of memory.

 I am slowly surrendering to what this now is. Pain is not forever but scar tissue is. I will wear my scars proudly like my Master. Someday the truth will be known about all that has happened and God will wipe all tears away.

I can never forget you and right now I'm not sure there will be another for me.  "The cure for one is another", my Dad says. There is no cure for a woman like you. A woman who cared for me and loved me through the darkest hours. A woman who I did not appreciate enough or show appreciation to. A woman whose heart turned off because I didn't take care of her.  I am despairing in these days as no other man and I'm not able to move forward as I would like. I'm not healing as quickly as I thought I might.  This is a testimony of the woman you are and the sacredness of what has been lost. I know my weakness and my wound is sacred because God is with me in it.  I know this now more than ever

I know it's only months but the hail stones of unknowing still falls hard like a storm upon my heart. This storm overflows the banks of my inner man and pours forth as a salty flow from my eyes.  My vision for now and the future is blurred. And letting go of you, even after all this time, is like holding my breath in this marathon I'm in.  I can't whistle, even sing, you took the music with you.

My heart is for you
My friend 
I'm  still awakened at 3am
Nearly every night
Wondering of you
Broken for you
Five months now

Too much was said that was never meant and not enough was done that I know now I could have. I will take all the blame, not as a martyr but as a lamb.

I live moment by moment with love lost, and for a while,  a shattered heart. We both know God brought us together. God also drove us apart for this time. If I am never able to see you again, which has happened to me before,   I will forgive myself and accept that you were led by God. But I will never stop loving you. I will become a better man through this pain and I will not make the same mistakes again.

 I'll always be here, not because I'm putting my life on hold, but because I've learned that we all are actually standing still and life is coming at us.  And so, I am standing still in this pain and learning to love myself and maybe love the right way, myself first.

God holds our hearts in his hand and I will live with God's decisions.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Mid-Winter Rain

If the ice breaks
If the water flows
If the trees bloom
If the grass grows
If I should arrive
In some spring-like  place
Let me rest my hand
Upon your head
To kiss unforgettable lips
A caress of your holy face

My God,
Our lost embrace

My best friend
Took flight
Over that last full moon
Only I saw her go 
She ran away with the sunshine
Last Saturday before noon
I boarded an Adventure
Our future departed
No warmth for the broken hearted
God broke my heart again
But my heart is going to mend
I am becoming a better man